I am a movie fanatic. When friends want to know what picture won the Oscar in 1980 or who played the police chief in Jaws, they ask me. My friends, though, have stopped asking me if I want to go out to the movies because I do not enjoy sticky seats covered in spilled soda, or talking throughout the entire picture, or especially noisy children. If I want to be annoyed for the cost of a small mortgage payment, then its off to the local movie theater. Movies are a great way to escape reality; however, it is not enjoyable to see them at a professional theater. Stay at home to get the most benefit from them. The problems of getting to the theater, the theater itself, and the behavior of some patrons are all reasons why I often wait for a movie to show up on TV or DVD.

First of all, just getting to the theater presents difficulties. Leaving a home equipped with a TV and a video recorder isn't an attractive idea on a humid, cold, or rainy night. Even if the weather cooperates, there is still a thirty-minute drive to the theater down a congested highway, followed by the hassle of looking for a parking space. And then there are the lines. After hooking to the end of a human chain, a perspective ticket buyer must worry about whether there will be enough tickets, whether seats will be together, and whether many people will sneak into the line going straight to the head.

The theater itself is not always always comfortable nor attractive. The older run-down older theaters are a musty smell of seldom-cleaned carpets. Escaped springs lurk in the faded plush or cracked leather seats, and half the seats seem loose or tilted so that a viewer sits at a strange angle. The newer twin and quad theaters offer their own problems. Sitting in an area only one-quarter the size of a regular theater, moviegoers often have to put up with the sound of the movie next door. This is especially jarring when the other movie involves racing cars or a karate war and you are trying to enjoy a quiet love story. And whether the theater is old or new, it will have floors that seem to be coated with rubber cement. By the end of a movie, shoes almost have to be pried off the floor because they have become sealed to a deadly compound of spilled soda, hardening bubble gum, and crushed Ju-Jubes. God forbid a movie should actually start on time.

Annoying patrons are the worst part about attending a movie. Little kids race up and down the aisles, usually in giggling packs. Teenagers try to impress their friends by talking back to the screen, whistling, and making what they consider to be hilarious noises. Adults act as if they were at home in their own living rooms and comment loudly on the ages of the stars or why movies aren't as good anymore. And people of all ages crinkle candy wrappers, stick gum on their seats, and drop popcorn tubs or cups of crushed ice and soda on the floor. They also cough and burp, squirm endlessly in their seats, file out for repeated trips to the rest rooms or concession stand, and elbow often poke out of the armrest on either side of a seat.

After arriving home from the movies one night, I decided that I was not going to be a moviegoer anymore. I was tired of the problems involved in getting to the movies and dealing with the theater itself and some of the patrons. The next day I arranged to have cable TV service installed in my home. It will probably be cheaper in the long run because there is no parking to pay, criminal cost of popped corn kernels, and no tickets to purchase. I may now see movies a bit later than other people, but I'll be more relaxed watching box office hits in the comfort of my own living room.